My Daddy part II

Last time I wrote about my Dad, I spoke of his love for the Lord and the days that seemed to be coming to an end. I'd like to share you with you some of events that have taken place since.


I spent the first weekend in March with my Dad and the family. It was filled with good times even though my Dad had come to a point of not being able to speak any longer. On Monday, March 8th I was able to take a day off of school and spend it with my Dad. I remember specifically sitting on the edge of the hospital bed that was set up in the living room of the house, that held all of memories growing up, listening to K-Love through the computer. My Dad always Loved listening to K-Love during the day in the house, when once again my Daddy's song "How He Loves" began to play. (I remember the first time hearing the song at home through the radio with him sitting across the room in his lazy boy- when I told him that this was one of my favorite songs, he began to cry and whimpered "Oh, how did I know you'd love this.") In spite of a lack of response to almost anything, all at once my Dad's baby blue eyes began peeking through the small slits that we hadn't seen in quite a while, then as the chorus began "Oh, how He loves us so..." I began to see little creases forming around his mouth as his whispered ever so slightly the words of the chorus from his most beloved song. I will never forget the strenuous effort I saw in the small movement of my Father's face that day. I couldn't help but sing with him and know that as he moved to his mouth to the words of that song, that he understood more of jealous God's love and was closer than ever to seeing it face to face.

As the song slowly ended I kissed my Daddy on the cheek, I told him I loved him, and then I ever so gently felt him return a sweet kiss while silently mouthing "I love you" in return.

Throughout the day we had visitors and many wonderful friends come over to visit. I was glad I could spend that time with my Mom and Dad and friends- it was good.

So, the next day I went to school and taught a normal day with my wonderful fifth and sixth graders. They were so encouraging and loving and it truly was a great time with them... but deep down there was this hesitancy, I knew that at any moment my Dad could be gone... that may have been my last kiss. At 2:32 on that Tuesday, March 9th I was tying up a math lesson when I got a call from my mom, I knew that this was it. In an instant, as I heard the bellowing of undecipherable words on the other end of the phone, I knew the moment had finally arrived. I called the Principle and she came to cover my class. I grabbed my things and ran out the door to go to my parent's house, which was thankfully only 5 minutes away. As I ran to the truck it was surreal. I hopped into the truck and as I did a wave of emotion washed over me... this was it, he was gone, I would never see my Dad's smile, I would never here him call me "little chip," he wouldn't be able to fix my car, I wouldn't be able to sit on his lap, he wouldn't tell me I was beautiful, he wouldn't stand behind me and put his hand on my neck and give me that gentle squeeze of assurance that he was there, he wouldn't be able to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, he wouldn't meet my children, he wouldn't be there for me to cry with, he wouldn't show me his new favorite songs on the computer and weep, no longer would I be able to talk to him about Jesus or food or racing... I would never feel his warm embrace... he was gone... and as all of these thoughts continued to overwhelm me with an awful dread I found myself already driving up the hill by my school. My mind continued to race through all the implication that my Daddy's death would have on me, my family, and our friends... when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw a dust devil forming in the corner of a large dirt field that I was passing... it was forming fast and no sooner had I recognized that there was a dust devil coming toward me had I recognized that the radio in my truck was also on and guess what it was playing? Yep, you guessed it, "How He Loves." Then the most peculiar thing happened. As the first verse of the song repeated the dust devil came swirling toward me and all at once it hit my truck and came blowing in through the driver side window hitting me with an intense yet refreshing blow of warm sand filled wind... and as it did the chorus came from the speakers with these words: "He is jealous for me, LOVE'S like a HURRICANE I am the tree, bending beneath the waves of His wind and mercy... when all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory... and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me." What happened next is hard to explain but in that moment a "peace that surpasses ALL understanding" enveloped me and suddenly I was filled with a joy and an assurance, as if from God Himself, that said "this moment is far from the end... it is the beginning, he knows me and sees me... trust me Kallie, he is with Me." My words do not give that moment justice, but you can ask anyone who was there that day and they will probably say that "Kallie was full of joy, maybe even a little too much joy." But let me tell you... the Lord met me in my breaking and it was so beautiful!

The days that followed came and went quickly, and yes, I had my moments of break down, but the Lord continued to give me joy and peace like never before. My Dad was able to have his planned song played and his favorite "That's my King" speech shown by video as well. The day went well and the Lord was ever present!

In all honesty, life has continued to be a roller coaster of emotions as the memorial was not the last time I would speak of think of my Daddy... and yes, I miss him tremendously. I would love feel his embrace again... but I know that something even better awaits. I know that one day I will be reunited with my Daddy in heaven. I know that he is already there at the finish line waiting the rest of us who are running the race. Oh, how I can't wait for that day! So, I guess what I would like to ask you is this- Will you meet us there? We are not guaranteed tomorrow, and I am not trying to push any agenda, but I know that this life will end... I've seen it face to face. Death is real, but so is life and Jesus gave us a way to come into the life with Him and with all of the other believers that have gone before us. So, once again, do you know Him? He wants to know you.

Again, thank you for taking the time to hear my story of my Daddy's new beginning and I pray that the Holy Spirit will speak to you through my story. God is faithful and so good... and His love... oh man, it is SO NOT tame! His love is a hurricane... His grace is an ocean... and one day it will all meet like a sloppy wet kiss! Thank you all for your love, your prayers, and your thoughts... my family needed every one of them.

Love,
Kallie

She Looks to the Sky

All I can say about this song is... WOW!

Oh, how I desire to be in this place and remain there... waiting for that day!

May this be true for all of us in this journey in drawing near to the Lord...

being content, complete, and brimming with HIM!

Let us look to the sky

She Looks To The Sky by Sherri Youngward

They say she is loved by the greatest of all
Who have walked in the world
He lives far away still she spends all her days
Content with only his words

She often walks alone
But never is she lonely
You can offer her anything
Her affections are all for Him only

She looks to the sky
As if He is coming down through the clouds up above
Though no one has seen Him you cannot deny
She is drenched in His love

(Pre-chorus)

All the day long she sings sweetly
She says He speaks to her mind
She’s only rich with affliction
Yet a bitter word you won’t find

She lives with assurance
He loves her too deeply to let such distance remain
She’s brimming with longing for Him to come calling
And sweep her away

My Daddy

About two years ago, my Dad went into the hospital with Pancreatitis, gall stones, and kidney stones- all of which are very serious, especially for a man of 66 years old and not in top condition to begin with. He had been taken by care-flight to Renown in Reno and from the beginning the Doctors didn’t have a very good prognosis. At one point the doctors explained to us that he had flat-lined and they had to bring him back.

One day specifically, was very hard. The surgeon who had been on my Dad’s case told us plainly that his pancreas had disintegrated and that no one can live without a pancreas. His conclusion was that my Dad would not leave the hospital alive and that he only had days to live. I remember the pain and heart ache that I felt when I first heard those words. My heart was breaking. I was only 23 years old. My Daddy couldn’t leave yet. I went to the waiting room with my amazing friend Jeni and we began to pray. The Lord lead us to read the Word and as we read we came upon the story of Lazarus. Could it be? Was it possible that my Dad could leave the hospital by the power of God? My mind told me no, but my Spirit felt that it was right. As we prayed the Lord spoke to me, I heard Him say over and over again, “My Name will by glorified. You see from below but I see from above. It is so much bigger… it isn’t about you or even your Dad… My Name WILL be glorified.”

Jeni and I left the waiting room encouraged and knowing, that no matter what it looked like and no matter what happened, that God would be glorified through my Daddy’s life. A couple of months later my Daddy came home! He still had several different issues and he definitely had not seen his last hospital, but he DID leave the hospital and when he came home, he came with a new idea of what life should be like. He came home with a passion and a zeal for Jesus Christ like he had never had before… he was a revived man.

He went from being a man of his living room chair and racing to a man who could not help but talk about Jesus and what He had done in his life. Ever since I had been born my Dad had committed his life to the Lord. Early on in my life he was very involved in the church that I grew up in, but then there was a time when he backed off a bit. For all of my life, I knew my Daddy believed in Jesus, but I would seldom hear him speak of God apart from church and Sundays. It wasn’t until I was a sophomore in college and my Daddy volunteered to drive with me back to Indiana, so that I would have a car at school that I learned about his walk with his heavenly Daddy! During that trip I found out how he first met the Lord. I learned of Jesus’ power in his life. I learned of miracles that God had done throughout my Dad’s life. I learned of the true worship experiences that my Dad had during the first years of being a believer and I learned of his love for his Jesus. What a blessing those times were. At that time, I learned that my Dad was much more than a church-goer, He was I lover of Jesus!

Now, after his time in the hospital, everyone else was now able to see his great love for the Lord. They saw the change in my Daddy and no one could doubt Who he lived for. Even his demeanor seemed to change. At times, growing up, my Dad had been short tempered and he frequently used his infamous string of curse words, but after he left the hospital, the words were seldom heard and there was a constant peace and love about him.

My Daddy was also filled with a new boldness and sudden urge to call almost everyone that he hadn’t talked to in years. Most of the time it just left me wondering what was going through his head, and yet it was a very sweet time. It was as if he had been given a second chance to live for the Lord- a personal revival.

He became a very sentimental and emotional man. This was most evident when he listened to a song called “How He Loves.” For the last six months or so my Dad would play this song for every single person that walked into his house, and every time he got to the third verse of the song (that can only be heard when sung by John Mark McMillan) the tears would just flow. EVERY TIME! You’d think after a while that he would get numb when listening to this song… NO. Every time it played he was moved… he was moved by the description of God’s love that was so amazingly displayed.

After one of the visits in the hospital the Lord had given him a vision of reaching out to those who don't have the hope of Christ through that song a long with the words of a sermon called "That's My King." My Daddy knew everyone should hear these things and he wanted it all put together with pictures of the Passion of the Christ. So, he set out to planning. Everyone he could get to, he told about his idea. At one point he even got our pastor to show the “How He Loves” video on a Wednesday night before Bible Study and by the end he was standing, singing the song, tears flowing down his cheeks. It was beautiful and his passion was not easily quenched.

Even within the last couple times he returned to the hospital he would speak of how he put on the Spiritual Armor in Ephesians 6 and he would repeat loudly verse 19 of that chapter, “Pray also for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel., for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.” (NKJV) And let me tell you... every nurse, doctor, and assistant heard about Jesus. That was what he wanted to do… he wanted to speak loudly for all to hear, of the one who loved us, the One who loved so deeply and powerfully, the One whose love went to the point of death to take away our sins. That is who he wanted to tell the whole world about.

So… why am I telling you this? Well, within the last couple weeks a lot has changed. Not Spiritually for my Dad, but physically. He returned to the hospital two weeks ago, where they found that his pancreatitis has returned along with an infection in his blood from an unknown source. While at the hospital, the Doctor gave him two options. 1-He could go on through months of tests and procedures of trying to figure out exactly where this infection is coming from with an unknown end result or 2- He could go home. On Wednesday February 28^th my Daddy decided to come home. He was finished and done with being poked and prodded and he was ready to go home, be with his family, rest, and eventually be with his Heavenly Daddy. This last week his body stopped receiving and absorbing all foods and medicines. BUT praise the Lord, God is still working and moving in mighty ways. My Dad has not been in any pain at all- which is more of a miracle then you know! He is comfortable and awaiting the arrival of his Savior.

I am telling you all of this because as my Daddy has comes to the last days of his life, I know he wouldn’t want it to be a time of pity or mourning for you or my family. But, he would want it to be a time of praise, worship, and salvation! I’m not sure who all will be reading this… but I know, no matter how you knew my Daddy, he would want you to know who he is going to meet. He is going to meet his Daddy… His heavenly Daddy! You see he is finally going to see his Lord face to face. He has lived for Him for so long, spoke of Him, listened to Him but at last he is going to receive the goal of his faith, the salvation of his soul! This should not be a time of sadness but a time of jubilee.

Don’t get me wrong, this is going to be a tough time for many who loved my Daddy so much, but only because we will miss his presence here with us. The truth is… we are the ones jealous of him, but we look forward to being reunited with him one day! Until then I think my Daddy would want to ask… DO YOU KNOW HIM? Do you know that He is jealous for you? Here is the song How He Loves by John Mark McMillan- my Daddy would want you to hear it!

He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am the tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great Your affections are for me… OH, How He Loves Us; Oh, How He Loves Us; How He Loves US, Oh.

We are His portion, and He is our prize; drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes; if His grace is an ocean we’re all sinking. So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about… the way He loves us

Whoa, How He loves us
Whoa, How He loves us
Oh, How He LOVES!

If only we all thought this way...

I'm re-reading a book called The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews. It's a great book if you haven't read it... you should!

Here is an excerpt that I think everyone should read and follow... life would be so much simpler...

The First Decision for Success

The buck stops here.

From this moment forward , I will accept responsibility for my past. I understand that the beginning of wisdom is to accept responsibility for my past, I free myself to move into a bigger, brighter future of my own choosing.

Never again will I blame my parents, my spouse, my boss, or other employees for my present situation. Neither my education nor my lack of one, my genetics, or the circumstantial ebb and flow of everyday life will affect my future in a negative way. If I allow myself to blame these uncontrollable forced for my lack of success, I will be forever caught in a web of the past. I will look forward. I will not let my history control my destiny.

The buck stops here. I accept responsibility for my past. I am responsible for my success.

I am where I am today-- mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially-- because of decisions I have made. My decisions have always been governed by my thinking. Therefore, I am where I am today-- mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially-- because of how I think. Today I will begin the process of changing where I am-- mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially-- by changing he way I think.

My thoughts will be constructive, never destructive. My mind will live in the solutions of the future. It will not dwell in the problems of the past. I will seek the association of those who are working and striving to bring about positive changes in the world. I will never seek comfort by associating with those who have decided to be comfortable.

When faces with the opportunity to make a decision, I will make one. I understand that God did not put in me the ability to ALWAYS make right decisions. But he did, however, put in me the ability to make a decision and then make it right. The rise and fall of my emotional tide will not deter me from my course. When I make a decision, I will stand behind it. My energy will go into making the decision. I will waste none on second thoughts. My life will not be an apology. It will be a statement.

The buck stops here. I control my thoughts. I control my emotions.

In the future when I am tempted to ask the question "Why me?" I will immediately counter with the answer: "Why not me?" Challenges are gifts, opportunities to learn. Problems are the common thread running through the lives of great men and women. In times of adversity, I will not have a problem to deal with I will have a choice to make. My thoughts will be clear. I will make the right choice. Adversity is preparation for greatness. I will accept this preparation. Why me? Why not me? I will be prepared for something great!

I accept responsibility for my past. I control my thoughts. I control my emotions. I am responsible for my success.

The buck stops here.