Last time I wrote about my Dad, I spoke of his love for the Lord and the days that seemed to be coming to an end. I'd like to share you with you some of events that have taken place since.
I spent the first weekend in March with my Dad and the family. It was filled with good times even though my Dad had come to a point of not being able to speak any longer. On Monday, March 8th I was able to take a day off of school and spend it with my Dad. I remember specifically sitting on the edge of the hospital bed that was set up in the living room of the house, that held all of memories growing up, listening to K-Love through the computer. My Dad always Loved listening to K-Love during the day in the house, when once again my Daddy's song "How He Loves" began to play. (I remember the first time hearing the song at home through the radio with him sitting across the room in his lazy boy- when I told him that this was one of my favorite songs, he began to cry and whimpered "Oh, how did I know you'd love this.") In spite of a lack of response to almost anything, all at once my Dad's baby blue eyes began peeking through the small slits that we hadn't seen in quite a while, then as the chorus began "Oh, how He loves us so..." I began to see little creases forming around his mouth as his whispered ever so slightly the words of the chorus from his most beloved song. I will never forget the strenuous effort I saw in the small movement of my Father's face that day. I couldn't help but sing with him and know that as he moved to his mouth to the words of that song, that he understood more of jealous God's love and was closer than ever to seeing it face to face.
As the song slowly ended I kissed my Daddy on the cheek, I told him I loved him, and then I ever so gently felt him return a sweet kiss while silently mouthing "I love you" in return.
Throughout the day we had visitors and many wonderful friends come over to visit. I was glad I could spend that time with my Mom and Dad and friends- it was good.
So, the next day I went to school and taught a normal day with my wonderful fifth and sixth graders. They were so encouraging and loving and it truly was a great time with them... but deep down there was this hesitancy, I knew that at any moment my Dad could be gone... that may have been my last kiss. At 2:32 on that Tuesday, March 9th I was tying up a math lesson when I got a call from my mom, I knew that this was it. In an instant, as I heard the bellowing of undecipherable words on the other end of the phone, I knew the moment had finally arrived. I called the Principle and she came to cover my class. I grabbed my things and ran out the door to go to my parent's house, which was thankfully only 5 minutes away. As I ran to the truck it was surreal. I hopped into the truck and as I did a wave of emotion washed over me... this was it, he was gone, I would never see my Dad's smile, I would never here him call me "little chip," he wouldn't be able to fix my car, I wouldn't be able to sit on his lap, he wouldn't tell me I was beautiful, he wouldn't stand behind me and put his hand on my neck and give me that gentle squeeze of assurance that he was there, he wouldn't be able to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, he wouldn't meet my children, he wouldn't be there for me to cry with, he wouldn't show me his new favorite songs on the computer and weep, no longer would I be able to talk to him about Jesus or food or racing... I would never feel his warm embrace... he was gone... and as all of these thoughts continued to overwhelm me with an awful dread I found myself already driving up the hill by my school. My mind continued to race through all the implication that my Daddy's death would have on me, my family, and our friends... when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw a dust devil forming in the corner of a large dirt field that I was passing... it was forming fast and no sooner had I recognized that there was a dust devil coming toward me had I recognized that the radio in my truck was also on and guess what it was playing? Yep, you guessed it, "How He Loves." Then the most peculiar thing happened. As the first verse of the song repeated the dust devil came swirling toward me and all at once it hit my truck and came blowing in through the driver side window hitting me with an intense yet refreshing blow of warm sand filled wind... and as it did the chorus came from the speakers with these words: "He is jealous for me, LOVE'S like a HURRICANE I am the tree, bending beneath the waves of His wind and mercy... when all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory... and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me." What happened next is hard to explain but in that moment a "peace that surpasses ALL understanding" enveloped me and suddenly I was filled with a joy and an assurance, as if from God Himself, that said "this moment is far from the end... it is the beginning, he knows me and sees me... trust me Kallie, he is with Me." My words do not give that moment justice, but you can ask anyone who was there that day and they will probably say that "Kallie was full of joy, maybe even a little too much joy." But let me tell you... the Lord met me in my breaking and it was so beautiful!
The days that followed came and went quickly, and yes, I had my moments of break down, but the Lord continued to give me joy and peace like never before. My Dad was able to have his planned song played and his favorite "That's my King" speech shown by video as well. The day went well and the Lord was ever present!
In all honesty, life has continued to be a roller coaster of emotions as the memorial was not the last time I would speak of think of my Daddy... and yes, I miss him tremendously. I would love feel his embrace again... but I know that something even better awaits. I know that one day I will be reunited with my Daddy in heaven. I know that he is already there at the finish line waiting the rest of us who are running the race. Oh, how I can't wait for that day! So, I guess what I would like to ask you is this- Will you meet us there? We are not guaranteed tomorrow, and I am not trying to push any agenda, but I know that this life will end... I've seen it face to face. Death is real, but so is life and Jesus gave us a way to come into the life with Him and with all of the other believers that have gone before us. So, once again, do you know Him? He wants to know you.
Again, thank you for taking the time to hear my story of my Daddy's new beginning and I pray that the Holy Spirit will speak to you through my story. God is faithful and so good... and His love... oh man, it is SO NOT tame! His love is a hurricane... His grace is an ocean... and one day it will all meet like a sloppy wet kiss! Thank you all for your love, your prayers, and your thoughts... my family needed every one of them.
Love,
Kallie
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